How to Deschool (And Why It Matters More Than You Think)

So, you’ve pulled your child from school—or maybe you’re about to—and now you’re wondering what comes next.

Do you jump into curriculum right away? Start a routine? Order a whiteboard and a laminator and pretend to be Ms. Frizzle?

Hold up, friend. Before you go full Pinterest Homeschool Mode, let’s talk about something that’s just as important as any curriculum you’ll ever buy: Deschooling.

If you’ve never heard of it, you’re not alone. But deschooling is one of the most essential, overlooked steps in a successful homeschool journey. And trust me—it can make all the difference between a home full of stress and resistance and one that actually feels peaceful and doable.

What Is Deschooling, Anyway?

Deschooling is the intentional process of letting go of the routines, beliefs, and mindset that come from traditional school. It gives both you and your child time to mentally and emotionally adjust to this whole new world of learning at home.

Think of it as an educational detox. It’s not a vacation (though it can feel like one), and it’s not the same as “not doing school.” It’s a purposeful pause where you give your child space to:

• Recover from school-related stress or trauma
• Reignite their natural curiosity
• Rebuild your relationship, free from the pressure of grades and tests
• Explore interests without a rigid structure

And—this part’s big—you also give yourself time to rewire how you think about education.

Why Deschooling Matters More Than You Think

Here’s the thing: most of us grew up in traditional school settings. Desks. Bells. Worksheets. Grades. Compliance.

So when we start homeschooling, our instinct is often to recreate that system at home… even if it’s the exact system we walked away from.

Deschooling helps break that cycle.

It gives you permission to explore what your version of education looks like—one that fits your kid, your lifestyle, and your values. It’s the pause that resets everything and helps your family transition from “school mindset” to “learning mindset.”

Skipping this step often leads to burnout, power struggles, and frustration, because even if you’re home, everyone’s still stuck in school mode.

How to Actually Deschool

There’s no one right way to do it, but here’s a general guide to help you walk through the process with purpose:

1. Pause the Academics

Yep, you read that right. Don’t rush into math workbooks or grammar lessons just yet. Give your child time to decompress. How long? A good rule of thumb is one month for every year they were in school.

So, if your child was in public school for four years, take four months to deschool. That may feel like a lot, but remember: this isn’t wasted time. It’s healing time.

2. Reconnect Through Daily Life

Use this season to rebuild your relationship and see learning through a different lens. Cook together. Go on nature walks. Listen to audiobooks. Play games. Watch documentaries. Have conversations.

This is where trust is built and learning becomes something they own instead of something done to them.

3. Observe and Take Notes

What lights your child up? When do they seem most engaged or relaxed? What frustrates them? What do they gravitate toward when no one’s directing them?

Deschooling is a goldmine for discovering your child’s learning style, strengths, and passions—insights that will help you choose curriculum (or not!) later on.

4. Let Go of the Timeline

This one’s for you, friend. You might feel pressure to “catch up” or stay on pace with public school. But part of deschooling is learning to trust a different rhythm.

Your child is not falling behind. They’re stepping into something new. Give yourself permission to slow down.

5. Process Your Own Educational Baggage

This one stings a little, but it’s important. If you were praised for being a straight-A student or penalized for coloring outside the lines, you might find yourself unconsciously recreating those systems at home.

Deschooling gives you the space to ask:

• What do I believe learning should look like?
• Why do I feel anxious when we aren’t doing “real school”?
• How can I show my child that learning is a lifelong, flexible journey?

What Deschooling Is NOT

Let’s clear up a few myths real quick:

• It’s not laziness.
• It’s not “giving up” on structure.
• It’s not letting kids run wild with no direction.

Deschooling is intentional. It’s thoughtful. And it’s one of the most powerful investments you can make in your homeschool foundation.

What Happens After Deschooling?

After you deschool, you’ll begin to notice a shift.

Your child may become more curious again. You’ll feel less frantic and more in tune with what actually works for your family. You’ll be able to approach learning with clarity instead of panic.

From there, you can choose a curriculum (or create your own), build a gentle routine, and start your homeschool journey with a stronger connection and confidence.

The Intentional Pause

Homeschooling isn’t just about swapping school desks for a dining room table. It’s about reshaping your entire approach to learning. And that kind of shift takes time.

So, if you’re at the beginning of this journey and things feel messy or uncertain, take a breath. Let yourself deschool.

It’s not a delay—it’s the foundation.

You’ve got this.